My spell check needs an Ativan

I was recently informed that the word Scrambly doesn’t really exist.

pshaw I saw... that’s poppycock,

or balderdash maybe.

Well to be honest, I will mention that I hadn’t actually typed the word “scrambly” I had typed “scramby”.

The non-existence of that word I will agree with.

But scrambly on the other hand makes perfect sense.

It my not be included in Wikipedia.

Or in the vocabulary of most Jr. High English teachers, but I must say, it exists in my world.

For the record, it is an adjective, used to describe your computer when it decides to go all crazy and make things scrambled and jumbled up.

It can also be used to describe satellite T.V. when the weather is bad.

I’m not by any means trying to defend myself, or my abuse of the English language.

I simply thought it was a word that I had made up while typing my panic induced call for help the other day.

Then I found it used in a something I wrote back in 2007.

That made me realize something... those of you who have been reading my e-mails all along, may have actually spent the past 5 or 6 years not having a clue what I was talking about.

So to help you all out, and to clear up any confusion with any new readers, I’ve decided to do a small glossary on some common but debatably non-existent terms that I tend to use frequently.

I digress

This one actually exists, although I’m quite certain I don’t always use it in the proper way. It’s one of my favorite sayings.

I read it in BSC book once, and have used it as often as possible since that fateful day back in 1995.

Sometimes I go off topic just for the chance to use it.

Wonky

As in weird and crazy.... to use it in a sentence....

“My hair feels all wonky today.”

or “I tried to call you but the phone went all wonky”

(as I type I realize the term is actually not just “wonky” but “all wonky”)

Going all wonky is usually something that happens just before your technology gets scrambly.

kestahvup

I’m fairly certain I not only spell this word wrong, but I also pronounce it wrong.

I can’t take credit for this one, it is actually C.S.Island slang. It means the sound of a gunshot.

The first time I heard a friend use this word I didn’t laugh.

I actually just sat there in silence, as did the rest of the audience, all of us unsure what the bejeezus kestahvup actually meant.

Once it was explained to me, I laughed.

And I still laugh about it. It makes absolutely no sense to me what so ever.

And so I continue to use that phrase as description for any type of loud bang or crash, because the sheer non-sense of the word makes me smile.

~I should mention that I have been told it’s not actually “UP” it ends in something else..... I don’t remember what, because frankly I don’t care... it makes no sense no matter if it ends in “up” or “ach” or “et” is still sounds absolutely NOTHING like a gunshot.~

Just thought I should clarify that part in case you ever feel like using that word while with-in the Barrington town limits. You may use it to sound cool in front of new friends, but they’ll probably call you on it.

They may not talk like the rest of the English speaking world, but dammit they believe they are grammatically correct anyway.

I shouldn’t have to define the word bejeezus I’m sure I didn’t make that one up. But in the spirit of trying to keep my writing somewhat PG, I tend to sub in words that sound funny for words of a less acceptable nature.

I’m also a big fan of talking about Sam and Debbie. I don’t know either of these people, but they get a lot of mentions.

Debbie, as in “FU Debbie!”. I actually have nothing against any Debbie in the the world. This is a phrase I said for years and had no idea why. Finally a friend informed me I was just a victim of MTV corruption. Thank you Eminem)

And Sam as in” That’s a grande plan Sam”

I’m sure most people want to correct my spelling there, as I often tend to stick “e” on the end of words where it doesn’t belong.

I blame the French immersion education.

Actually Mr. Healy blamed French immersion for that, as he noticed most students did it.

He let us get away with it, because he thought it was hard enough to go to school in one language, let alone in two. So he never corrected us, and never deducted marks for that particular spelling error.

So since grade eight I’ve been sticking “e”s on the ends of words that don’t belong, like a cat sticks his sharpened claws in a canary cage.

And I haven’t felt bad about it since.

In fact sometimes I juste put E’s on the endes of wordes because I thinke I’me privilagede toe doe ite.

But I digress.

This grand-with-an-e thing is not a case of a French learning superiority complex.

It is simply that I think the plan is in fact grand enough to deserve a little something extra added to it... the “je ne sais quoi” of spelling.... GRANDE.

Another common theme with my writing is the fact that sometimes I go on for pages with seemingly no point at all.

Or worse, it starts out like a have a point, and seems like I’m getting to a point, and then it never appears.

This is one such time folks. Thank you for tuning in, and blowing the last ten minutes of your time.

Perhaps I’ve enlighten you. Or at least amused you. Or perhaps I’ve just confused you.

I believe I’m a bit confused myself..... (actually I’m confuddled, but I’m trying not to use words that debatably don’t exist.)